I entered the Japanese Cheese Contest
And was thrilled to finish third
I might have done even better
If I'd been gentler with the curd.
Then at the Marmalade Festival
The judges tried to be kind
But I knew as well as they did
Something was wrong with the rind.
I thought my giant onion
Would win 'Biggest Vegetable' prize
But some of the other entries
Were four, five or six times the size.
It was at the Spoken Word gala
When my poem won the cup!
(Can we keep it our little secret
That nobody else turned up?)
