Friday, 1 May 2020

Cooking the Books

Having thought, it seems to me
That books are like a recipe
You take some words, mix them about
And then a story might fall out.

I’ve stirred up some letters, added some spaces
Put punctuation in approximate places
It’s been in the oven as if it were cake
Now is the time to see if it’s half-baked…

Food is best shared, so when we are able
We’ll ask some of our friends to sit at our table.

A cat in a hat,
A fox in his socks
And the Lorax will be invited
Plus Horton,
A Who
And Things One and Two
(If they don’t get over-excited.)

Our storybook dish will start with some fish
Shall we have
One or two? 
Will they be
Red or blue?
I’m going to leave that up to you.

(If it needs seasoning take a pinch
Of something cheeky called The Grinch.)

Our main course will be eggs and ham
And if you’re really keen
The favourite kind of eggs and ham
Is when they’re purest green.

Serve with a glass of Oobleck juice
And enjoy your taste of Dr Seuss.

Sunday, 26 April 2020

On the Beach

I start my walk along the beach
The water’s edge just out of reach
Past sandcastles that have been made
With plastic bucket and a spade.

Ice cream is wiped from toddlers’ lips
A seagull swoops to steal some chips
Deckchairs ripple in the breeze
I see ‘kiss me quick’ hats and knobbly knees.

If you stop and wait awhile
A man’s pursued by crocodile
(He does escape if you don’t know
It’s just the Punch and Judy show).

The pier is where I turn around
Up above me is the sound
Of arcade games and fairground rides
The helter-skelter and the slides.

Anglers perch in dribs and drabs
Hoping to land fish or crabs,
A crowd of people stand agog
And watch a frisbee-catching dog.

I love the sand and how it moves
How it feels beneath my hooves
For I’m the donkey that was missed
Off this seaside cliché list.

Wednesday, 6 November 2019

Death of a Gladioli Waver

Last night I dreamt that Morrissey died
I wasn't sad, I hadn't cried
Now he means much less to me
Than, say, in 1993

For me, since 'Your Arsenal'
He hasn't done much good at all
(No wait, there is one thing, I'm sorry
I do enjoy 'You Are the Quarry')

The songs that live on in my head
Like 'Jeane', 'Asleep', 'The Queen is Dead',
Morrissey's best work by far,
Were co-written with Johnny Marr

Does he think his best work's in the past?
His career now going nowhere fast
It seems so strange how someone can
Become a less than charming man
And risk his musical legacy
By embracing notoriety
Knowing only controversial views
Are all that get him in the news

One delicious irony
About this dream that came to me
Morrissey wasn't alive to see
Everyone talking about Morrissey.

Friday, 7 December 2018

Calm

All seems calm
Windchime
says different

(Included in British Haiku Society Annual Anthology 2012)

Frost

First frost
breaking the ice
on the birdbath

(included in British Haiku Society Journal Volume 21 Number 1)

Letter

I know what's in this letter -
That's why
I'm not opening it

(included in British Haiku Society Journal Volume 22 Number 3)

Friday, 6 October 2017

9.93

To my friends
And my family
To people who care
Everywhere
This is my plea -
Help me to stay me