Worlds change when eyes meet

Take me as I am or watch me as I go

If the wind stops blowing, row.

Tell me what you like, come play

Don't look back, you're not going that way

Sometimes darkness can show you the light

Don't wait, the time will never be just right

Let's meet in our dreams tonight

You say I dream too big

I say you think too small

But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel 

like nothing changed at all?

(A found poem using post from spam accounts that followed me on Twitter in the names of...

(Olivia Smith) (Nicole Johnson) (Nicole Lee) (Jennifer Jones) (Michelle Taylor)

Everyday People

I met a man who had a bag of Fish, Blood and Bone

I asked him why on earth he was taking it home

He said: "This will probably sound peculiar

but I put it on the garden, to help the petunias."

Queuing for the bus and the man in front of me

Had the biggest tub of mealworms you ever could see

He must have seen my face, (I was lost for words)

He told me: "Most are for my fishing, the rest are for the birds."

The next week I saw a man and he had a new broom

I said: "Are you going to sweep your living room?"

He looked at me, inhaled, then whistled

And said: "No, it's for outside. Look, it's got stiff bristles."

A man got on the bus with a thin piece of wood

It was long as well, maybe seven or eight foot

I didn't speak to him so I can't be certain

But I'm fairly sure it was a rail for a curtain.

Stood in the line another man on his own

Couldn't take his eyes off his mobile phone

If he'd lifted his head and turned off the screen

Those are all the things he might have seen.

(bonus verse for football fans)

Walking towards me came a man

I thought 'that looks like Ilkay Gundogan'

It wasn't of course, which was a pity 

Because I love the way he plays for Manchester City

Tortoise, House, Question Mark

There was a mystery on Field Street.

No one knew how a tortoise had come to own number 45. 

The excitement when the 'Sold' sign went up was quickly followed by head-scratching when a workman made the cat-flaps bigger and added ramps at the front and back of the house. Since then, there was certainly no sign of any human that lived there. 

A cleaner popped in once in a while and the gardener would appear occasionally to mow the lawn but despite all the curtain-twitching and Neighbourhood Watch there was no sign of anyone else. Apart from the tortoise.

When some post was accidentally put through the door of number 43 the owner was surprised to see it was addressed to 'A.Tortoise'. Like I say, a mystery. 

It's not like you can ask the tortoise. None of the neighbours knew any sort of language that might be useful in communicating with the tortoise. And if the tortoise knew how to converse with humans it wasn't letting on.

The neighbours would be polite of course. Always saying hello and giving a cheery wave to the tortoise when it was in the garden, munching on some greenery or other.

The passers-by were convinced that the tortoise acknowledged them in return with a nod or tilt of its head but only the tortoise would know that for sure.

If there had been a way to communicate with the tortoise the neighbours would have got a very simple answer.

The tortoise was very good at managing its money.

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

Sean Connery looked at me twice

When the other girls asked me what it was like

I said 'it was kinda nice'

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

I auditioned for Miss Taro

I didn't get the part so I had to start

As an extra in 'Dr No'

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

And also in 'Doctor Who'

I barely feature but I was some kind of creature

In Series Three, Episode Two

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

I was in other things too you know

I had a scene in 'Dixon of Dock Green'

And the 'Island of Dr Moreau'

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

But the photos are starting to fade

And it's hard to recall the thrill of it all

And the memories that we made

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

The highlight of my career

And though it seems rotten, that'll soon be forgotten

When I'm gone, that will all disappear

I was a Teenage Bond Girl

But all that is long in the past

And if we can't be sure that these things will endure

Let's enjoy them while they last

Twice

The alleyway behind the shop had suffered a flood

I was tiptoeing through water and dodging mud

Ten yards away or maybe less than that

Across the pathway shot a rat!

On the way home, before the next lot of rain

I could not believe my eyes, I saw a rat again!

So I've got a question and I'll keep it concise

Did I see two rats or the same rat twice?

Oh, they were so much bigger than mice

Did I see two rats or the same rat twice?

I only went to buy some basmati rice

Did I see two rats or the same rat twice?

Perhaps I'll have to ask Citizen's Advice

Did I see two rats or the same rat twice?

Handmade

There's a mystery object in our town

It's causing quite a to-do

Even the experts are baffled

We've only got one clue...

Handmade

It was handmade

A friend of a friend knew a man whose boss 

said he found it at a disused arcade

The owner of the crystal shop 

said that she was convinced 

that it must have belonged to a mermaid - and washed up on the promenade

Handmade

It was handmade

Was it from a ritual for the people of the Everglades

Or something you 'd be wearing if invited to a masquerade?

A retired colonel told me 

that he thought it might be weapons grade

Someone was so terrified they hid behind a barricade

Handmade

It was handmade

Is it a support for when you have a broken shoulder blade?

Although there is the possibility it was once used by a dairymaid

I remember something like it 

from when I used to go to church parade

(I don't tell everyone I meet but I was in the Boys Brigade)

Handmade

It was handmade

If we find out what it is we'll have to organise a cavalcade

And if there's any money left we'll all have toast and marmalade!

Terrible Lizard

I was asked to think about big predators

Things like sharks and alligators

But then I turned to dinosaurs

And top of all the carnivores

Without doubt - the tyrannosaurs

Then a thought popped into my head

Which probably should remain unsaid...

How did the T-Rex

Manage to have sex?

Did these residents of Jurassic Park

Wait until it had got dark?

And should we consider the features 

of the mating rituals of these creatures?

I can't see the T-Rex 

Going in for nibbling necks

So did they find the charms 

Of each other's tiny arms?

(Surely they'd get in a muddle 

going in for a cuddle)

At 40 feet long and eight tons in weight

How on earth did they mate?

Which position

Would have brought their efforts to fruition?

There are enough fossils to show,

They must have given it a good go

What was the question again?

I've lost my thread.

Oh yes, predators - alive or dead

Number one - tyrannosaur 

then underneath...

Great white shark

Because of the teeth

The End of the Pier

That place over there

Socks are required

They don't mind about age

Or the wealth you've acquired

Whether you're young

Or if you're retired

There's only one rule

And that's socks are required

There's no outlawed design

They can be thick or thin

As for the length

Where to begin?

Just cover your ankles

Or halfway up the shin

But you can't be barefooted

If you want to get in

And now you are there

Are you feeling inspired?

Was it something you hoped for?

All you desired?

You might never know

That I stopped and enquired

I'm just glad you remembered

That socks are required

The Story So Far

Early excitement

Small squad proves predictable

'Beamish Line' beckons

(Haiku about Swindon Town in the 2023/24 season)

Breakfast of Champions

Cornflakes or some porridge oats

A pot of tea, a slice of toast

It's the meal that matters most

It's my breakfast

I'm a champion.

Continental choice from your hotel

Cold meat, cheese and fruit as well

I'll slip a pastry in my pocket then I'll say farewell

It's my breakfast

I'm a champion.

Blend fruit and veg for a thick green drink

It keeps me fit and it helps me think

(Although I do pour most of it down the sink)

It's my breakfast

I'm a champion.

A fry up - king of all cuisines

Bacon, egg, sausage, beans

You find them at all good canteens

It's my breakfast

I'm a champion.

I woke from a dream within a dream

To a cup of coffee and a Krispy Kreme

It's stops me running out of steam

It's my breakfast

I'm a champion.

Left over takeaway might be nice

Last night's curry or a pizza slice

Remind me - what's the rule on reheating rice?

It's my breakfast

I'm a champion.

Nothing for me thanks - I'm trying to lose weight

Perhaps a quick vape if I'm running late

Ooh - a cling-filmed cake on a paper plate!

It's my breakfast

I'm a champion.

Poem for Guy

I buy vinyl records and know a lot about wine

I'm quite high up in graphic design

I last missed Glasto in 2009

I'm a soulful kind of guy

I don't mind saying hello to strangers

I've been to the football at Queens Park Rangers

I go skiing but respect the dangers

I'm a thoughtful kind of guy

I've got a tattoo up half my arm

I took my niece to a city farm

I saw a man punch a goose so I raised the alarm

I'm a helpful kind of guy

I sometimes have my lunch alfresco

I donate money to UNESCO

I bought some kale but I left it in Tesco

I'm a fashionable kind of guy

Sadly, not much of that is true

Those are some things I'd like to do

I'm just not as brave as you

I'm a fretful kind of guy

But I no longer want to hide

I just need someone by my side

Are you the one who'll be my guide?

I'm a hopeful kind of guy

Remembering That Time (An answer song)

(An answer to Regina Spektor's song That Time. You should really listen to it.)

Whatever did you do with that human tooth you found down on Delancey?

I won't forget the time we kissed anywhere except the mouth

I thought your favourite colours were always pink and green

I remember your fad of only eating tangerines

What were you thinking?

Tangerines!

I remember the time you'd only read Shakespeare. Even Titus Andronicus.

And that time you only read the backs of cereal boxes. Just what is riboflavin?

I try to forget about you and that pigeon with the broken wing

It seemed the whole block was watching as you buried bits of it in that children's playground

We had to leave the next week

I can't believe you weren't sick

I remember something about you wanting to stand for parliament

I thought there was a time when you only wanted to live in Marlborough

Wasn't there a time when you had an obsession with camels?

I remember when you were broke and bummed off our friends

You were broke a lot back then

We lost quite a few of our friends

Bum...

I don't remember the time when I OD'ed

I don't wanna remember the time I OD'ed for the second time

I heard you shouting from the waiting room

I didn't know you thought you could read my mind

Is that why you got clean?

Is that why you left me? 

Thank You for the Roses

'Slow down' they say

'Take time out,

Stop and smell the roses'

But it seems to me 

that only works

for people with functioning noses

If at First

I entered the Japanese Cheese Contest

And was thrilled to finish third

I might have done even better

If I'd been gentler with the curd.

I thought my massive marrow

Would win the 'Biggest Vegetable' prize

But some of the other entries

Were four, five or six times the size.

Then at the Marmalade Festival

The judges tried to be kind

But I knew as well as they did

Something was wrong with the rind.

I trained my shetland sheepdog

to win the agility class

I thought we were going to do it

Until I slipped and fell on my face

It was at the Spoken Word gala

When my poem won the cup!

(Can we keep it our little secret

That nobody else turned up?)

Birthday poem for someone called Neil

Happy birthday Neil

Do you like the colour teal?

You’d look good in it I feel 

On your birthday

What presents do you have Neil?

A carbon fibre wheel?

Perhaps a glockenspiel

For your birthday

What have you got planned Neil?

Going for a meal?

I hope the gravy won’t congeal

On your birthday

Perhaps you’ve gone away Neil

To Kent, maybe to Deal

Or further south, to Lille

For your birthday

Or a cosy day at home Neil

You could watch 'Ally McBeal'

Or the old 'Sapphire and Steel'

On your birthday

I think that’s enough Neil

I expect you’re tired of all this guff Neil

You just do your stuff Neil

It’s your birthday!

This is not The Treachery of Images

This is not a pipe

This is not a drill

This is not a love song

This is not America

This is not a VAT receipt

This is not happening

This is not what I expected

This is the day

This is pop.

(Found poem with painting titles, song titles and other things starting with 'this is not' and 'this is'. If I stumble across any more they'll be added in.)

Part Company

It would be nice to make a dignified exit

No kicking, no screaming

No praying, no pleading

We can't be together and so

Say a few words then I'll go

It would be nice to make a dignified exit

Don't feel diminished

Because it has finished

My heart

Knows it's the right time to depart

It would be nice to make a dignified exit

Don't feel bereft

About the fact I have left

Try to smile

You won't notice I've gone in a while

It would be nice to make a dignified exit

I shouldn't be grieving

when it's me that is leaving

but I know

it's the right time to let go.

Reward & Revelation

I don't think I have the nerve

To say I've got what I deserve

This answer might be deemed a fudge

But I don't think it's for me to judge

--

I can't be described as 'go-getting'

So I've not been one for goal setting

In fact I probably should confess

I want to help other people to their success

Hold on a minute, bless my soul!

Looks like I made myself a goal.

--

(Two poems written from Write Club homework topic of Goal Setting and "Do you have all that you deserve?')

This is the Day

Today the colours seem more clear

than they usually are round here.

The lime green shade of ivy leaves,

emerald tones deep in the trees.

Hawthorn berries, glowing red

while pure white snowdrops raise their head.

Today I realised I heard

songs of many different birds

A collared dove calls out its name

I hear a chiffchaff do the same,

the 'electronics' of the starling

a blackbird's voice, so clear and sparkling.

Today I opened up my eyes

and saw cotton wool cumulus floating by,

cirrus streaks on azure blue,

contrails of aircraft passing through.

I don't know what broke the spell.

Today I noticed I feel well.

(Poem based on the 'Take Notice' strand of the Five Ways to Wellbeing.)

An English Spring

The first signs of spring

Council-planted crocuses

Or is it croci?